My fifty-six years with my father were characterized by longing. If I could only meet his standards, ephemeral though they were, I would feel I belonged. That I was safe. That I was protected from external threats.
Learning that the threats came from within-that the threats were in the form of his personality disorder and addiction-came long after I had been damaged. Make no mistake-I never lacked for food, clothing, or shelter. We took family vacations. I received a wonderful education. I enjoyed numerous achievements, academically, professionally, and personally.
To an outsider, my life probably looked normal, even privileged.
The truth is the permanent scars resulting from narcissistic abuse are every bit as devastating and traumatic as those borne from physical and sexual abuse. Narcissistic abuse is insidious and challenging to survive. And the effects can outlive the abuser, almost in perpetuity. This is my story... possibly yours.
Reviews & Awards
2024 Maxy Awards Winner - Bio & Memoir
"Author Suzanne Groves has poured her heart and mind onto the pages to deliver a deeply moving and eye-opening memoir that has many useful perspectives on the insidious nature of narcissistic abuse."- Readers' Favorite
"Dallas writer Suzanne Groves's new book, You'll See, is a deeply personal, mind-opening journey through her experiences as a victim and survivor of an abusive father who had narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)." - Lone Star Literary Life
"It was only after I read You'll See that I did see. I only wish I had read it before suffering a lifetime of subtle psychological abuse from a father I never understood." - Virginia Coleman, Chief Estimator/Civil Contractor
"In a story that seems it must surely be fiction, Suzanne Groves takes you on a journey so personal it feels like you've walked into someone else's home, until you realize it's a story about everyone, on some level. The only reason this book took me three days to read was because I had to sleep at some point." - Jon Julnes, Entrepreneur
"In You'll See, Suzanne Groves explores, without excuses, the challenging relationship she had with her father. Her recollections of the minute details and reactions to her interactions with him are vivid and evocative of the deep desire she had to gain his approval. An approval she never got, no matter how hard she tried." - Katharine O'Connor, Ph.D., LPC
Our review of You'll See
You'll See: A Story of Narcissistic Abuse, Survival, and My Journey to Understand, by Suzanne Groves is a contemporary biographical narrative, where the author relates her story, up until the present day, a story of mental abuse at the hands of her narcissistic father. There are two aspects of this book which are noteworthy.
First of all, the detail with which she captures moments in her life, from her teen years and well into adulthood, recalling small details and conversations, is actually quite incredible. I can barely remember a handful of conversations in my entire teens, but Groves excels at re-creating the chronological events of her life - taking the reader right back to each moment with lucidity.
Secondly, and more importantly, in the weave of this biographical narrative, are threads that stick out, brief but poignant moments in her life where she experienced repeated undermining by a father more interested in controlling her and molding her into his image of "perfection" than letting her experience her life, to win and lose at her own pace and right, and to bask in the glory of success when it came and lick her wounds when she failed. Her father had this knack for raining on most every parade in her life, of belittling her and reminding her that she was not perfect.
This was a kind of abuse which leaves scars on the soul, because while physical or sexual abuse are terrible, words can be just as powerful - especially to a daughter who desperately tries at every turn in her life, to live up to her father's expectations - expectations which in some ways were designed to make her feel like a constant failure.
This is not the type of book you read for pleasure or enjoyment - because if you have lived a life that parallels hers, this book is more than likely going to trigger your own past and open your eyes to the pain submerged in your subconscious.
The author decided to tell her story in the hopes that it would help others who may have experienced similar abuse - and like the author, come to terms with it, and find reconciliation in the fact that she is alive and has succeeded in her life despite that abuse.
I give it 5 stars because of this.
Review by International Writers Inspiring Change
About the author
iWIC Interview:
What inspired you to write?
I've been writing since I was in elementary school, largely because my mother was an avid reader who encouraged me to do the same. I fell in love with reading. I was fortunate to have an English teacher in middle school who told me I had a gift with words, which gave me the confidence to keep writing. The only way I know to make sense of my life, and the world around me, is to put pen to paper and write, write, write. After my parents passed within two months of one another, I began writing "You'll See" as a way to work through my complex relationship with my narcissistic, addict father. I just knew that if this was my story, it was other people's story, too, and that it needed to be shared to give people hope they can get through lifelong trauma and break the cycle of abuse.
Who or what most inspired you in life?
My greatest inspiration was my mother, who had wanted to pursue a career as a journalist, but dropped out of college to marry her first husband (it didn't end well). When I was eight, she decided she wanted more for her life so she enrolled in community college, advanced to a four-year university, then attended and completed law school. By the time I was 14, she was employed as a litigator for the Department of Health and Human Services. Years later, she was appointed to serve as an Administrative Law Judge for the Social Security Administration. She did all this while also tending to their house, laundry, meal preparation, etc. She always told me to "dare to be different" because boy, she sure was...different and exceptional at everything she did.
What do you hope to inspire in your readers?
My hope is that this memoir helps readers to understand the insidious nature of narcissistic abuse, to realize that it is every bit as damaging as physical or sexual abuse, and to recognize that what they've experienced with a narcissist is REAL. Finally, I hope my story inspires other people to tell their own.
Is there a story behind your book?
My story IS the book. While working on it, my (then) writing coach challenged me, saying "how could you possibly remember, in such vivid detail, events and conversations that transpired when you were so very young?" My answer was simple. "That you don't have those same types of traumatic memories seared on your soul is a blessing for which you should be grateful."
Author Bio:
Suzanne Seifert Groves parlayed her B.A. in English from The University of Texas at Austin into a storied 36-year career in marketing communications. She has served in leadership roles with several large organizations spanning multiple industries including higher education, healthcare, technology and travel and tourism. Her personal affinity for storytelling enabled her to help the executives and organizations she supported make valuable connections with their audiences.
In 2020, Groves was named a "Top Woman in Communications," one of only nine women to be recognized in the Visionary category, by Ragan Communications/PR Daily in the inaugural year of the award. In 2014, she was named one of 24 "Great Women of Texas" by the Fort Worth Business Press. In 2013, she earned her M.A. in History from The University of Texas at Arlington while working full time, and was named a University Scholar.
An admitted research junkie, Groves spends her time working on family genealogy for herself and for friends (when she’s not writing or editing). With their two children grown, successful, and likely not boomeranging home, she and her husband travel as frequently as possible, though it means leaving behind their feisty German Shepherd and their very bossy cat. Of all her excursions, Groves will tell you one of her favorite memories is being dubbed “The Emu Whisperer” while on her honeymoon in Sonoma.
Author webpage
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